JustAnEndlessNightAway,orYouCANTakeOverTheWorld
by Amethyst2
Summary: An aspiring megalomaniac's guide to global domination and/or destruction.
1. Let's Cover The Basics

Just An Endless Night Away, or, You CAN Take Over The World!  
By Gen. M.  
  
  
Chapter One: Let's Cover The Basics  
  
  
Welcome to "Just An Endless Night Away." This book will help you succeed in taking over the world. But please remember, if you don't have what it takes to be a supreme supervillain, if you don't have the attitude, the guts, and the energy manipulation abilities/myriads of loyal soldiers/vast IQ that being ruler of the world requires, then this book will not be able to help you. However, if you think you can do this, but you just don't know where to begin, then this book will help you greatly.  
  
Before you can start attacking random people or blowing up buildings, you must have a plan. To formulate a plan, ask yourself these simple questions.  
  
1.Why do I want to take over the world?  
2.Why am I the best person for this job?  
3.What are my strengths?  
4.What are my weaknesses?  
5.Who are my enemies?  
6.Who are my superiors, and how much bootlicking is enough?  
7.Who are my flunkies, and how much exploitation is suitable before they revolt?  
  
  
Before you answer these questions, we will look at them one by one, because in these questions lie the basics of ruling the world.  
  
  
  
QUESTION ONE: Why do I want to take over the world?  
  
You may be saying right now, "But I don't want to take over the world! I want to destroy it!" Or perhaps, "I'm not shooting for taking over the world just yet. I want to start with something small, such as my hometown."  
  
The first statement is completely acceptable. However, you can always take over the world first and destroy it later.  
  
The second statement is negative, and therefore unacceptable. You must have confidence in yourself! Have the confidence that if your plan works, it will force the entire world to succumb! Why start small? If you are afraid that in aiming too high you will be shot down, then wear a bullet proof vest, and keep on shooting.  
  
There are many reasons people may want to take over the world. Here are the biggest ones.  
  
REVENGE  
Yes, revenge is a major motivator, and a good one. To get back at someone who hurt you, or someone who tried to destroy you, or someone who prevented you from reaching your objectives is a very fulfilling reason to either rule or destroy all of humanity.   
Never, EVER try to get back at someone who once loved you. That love will be used against you, and you will never reach your goal.  
  
HATRED  
Hatred often goes hand in hand with revenge, but sinks much deeper. Hatred is a good sign of deep seeded evil, and you will find yourself calling upon that evil when you are forced to attack kittens, babies, Mihoshi's, and other forms of the unbearably cute enemy.   
  
GREED  
Greed is probably the most powerful force behind megalomania, as it is never satisfied. Those of you taking control of the universe because of greed should be wary, however; remember that you aren't all-powerful, and should probably try to stay within the bounds of your own solar system, as reaching out too far is just inviting fate to destroy you.  
  
  
QUESTION TWO: Why am I the best person for this job?  
  
This question may not seem very important, because you think that if you're reading this book you obviously know that you're the right person for the job! However, hundreds of people have read books just like this, and they still have not achieved their goals. If you use the methods in this book and do not succeed, you're obviously not the best person for this job. You must be absolutely sure of yourself, because losing confidence in yourself is the easiest way to be converted to the side of "good."  
  
QUESTION THREE: What are my strengths?  
  
Say that you want to exploit the masses out of their money, magical talismans or life force. How are you going to accomplish this? Your strengths are the key to your plan. Please list them. Or, if you cannot spell words more than four letters long or have hands unsuited to holding pens or keyboards, use this handy checklist:  
  
? Teleportation Abilities  
? Indestructible Machinery  
? Thousands of Loyal Followers  
? Genius Level IQ  
? Energy Manipulation Abilities  
? Fangs and/or claws  
? Renewable or Extremely Numerous Tentacles  
? Magical Armour and/or Weaponry  
? A Legendary Power Source  
? Razor-Sharp Wit  
? Herculean Strength  
? Hypnotic/Brainwashing Abilities  
? Ability To Transform Into Any Of The Above  
  
If you have none of these, and are not able to list any that are not on this list, please reconsider your plan for global annihilation. Perhaps you might do better as a general or servant to someone who IS suited for taking over the world.  
  
QUESTION FOUR: What are my weaknesses?  
  
Incredible good looks, while considered a strength by many professional megalomaniacs, may induce Incredible Vanity, which is definitely a weakness. Or perhaps you have a more pronounced weakness, such as exposure to sunlight killing you, or water making you lose your power. Please list any weaknesses here, from Not Being Able To Stand Temperatures Above 32 degrees F to that Hangnail that you had last week. All may prove fatal to you if you do not take care.  
  
QUESTION FIVE: Who are your enemies?  
  
When you begin your plan for world domination, if you are not a kind and benevolent person, there will be people who will stand in your way. These people will most likely be endowed with magical powers or powerful machinery to stop you. What kind of weapons they have are usually directly related to your weaknesses. You should know who your enemies are, who their alter-egos are, who they are in love with, what their fears are, and most importantly, where they live and work and play. Do not try to avoid these places, but rather destroy them utterly. This may not make sense, so I will refer you to chapter four, which covers Enemies and Villain Etiquette.   
  
QUESTION SIX: Who are your superiors?  
  
Perhaps you are not directly taking over the world. If you are not the mastermind, main energy source, evil motivation and object of flunky loyalty, then you probably have superiors. Even if they are a mystical energy source, or a nameless demon, the probability is that if they exist, you have to do some major sucking-up. You must learn their personalities, habits, strengths and weaknesses. You are more likely to be destroyed by your boss than by your enemy. There is an ancient saying among all evil geniuses: Know your enemies well. Know your superiors better. More will be covered in chapter three, discussing allies.  
  
QUESTION SEVEN: Who are my flunkies?  
  
A flunky is anyone who obeys your slightest whim without question or protestation. A loyal fluky will do as you command instantly without question, complaint, or thought to personal welfare. Beware the fluky that flatters you too much, or seems to harbor resentment toward you, as they may try to overthrow you. More in chapter three.  
  
  
Now you know enough to start planning to take over the world. But you stil don't have a strategy! You barely even know what you're doing! Well, now that you've answered all these questions, at least you have a starting point. Our next chapter will cover strategies, plans of attack, and the dos and don'ts of ruling Earth.   
  
Until then, may eternal shadows darken your path. Goodnight.  



	2. Strategem and the Like

  
Chapter Two: Stratagem and the Like  
  
  
As any famous supervillain will tell you, aspiring to be Supreme Ruler of the World is one thing, and having an actual plan to achieve this is another. This will take you through some steps to help you come up with a plan.  
  
First off, decide how you want to conquer the world. Will you do it through force or persuasion? Will your plan affect the world leaders or the ignorant masses?   
  
Next, take a look at your lists of strengths and weaknesses. A being who is made purely of ice should not be trying to subvert the world with flaming comets, etc. However, just because you are made of flame does not mean that ravaging Earth with burning missiles is necessarily the best plan. You must definitely consider the people you are trying to conquer.  
  
If you are lucky enough to be able to get your hands on an ancient prophecy, you may have your strategy already laid out for you. The more ancient the prophecy, the more chance that you will become strong. Also, by knowing this prophecy you may have some hint as to potential problems and enemy strengths. Pay close attention to every prophecy, because you never know what might turn out to be important.   
  
Terrible things happen to those who ignore prophecies.  
  
Changing the subject, the most common and simple way to rule the earth is to defeat the humans with "youma," or, as they are known in most English-speaking countries, which the aspiring world dominator would be wise to avoid unless they wish to face men in tights with long billowing capes in patriotic colors, "monsters." Any country which refers to your creations as "monsters" should be evacuated immediately.   
  
But I digress. Youma are the best tool available to a supervillain such as yourself, because they inspire fear and loathing in the masses without much work on your part. However, there is a reason that many villains affectionately dub them "youma-du-jour." Do not get attached to your youma, as they are most likely going to be destroyed before the day is out. Youma serve several purposes, which will be discussed here.  
  
The most important thing a youma does is strike terror into the hearts of the people. For this reason, you should study the culture of your victims to find out what is the most terrifying to them. The Japanese are immensely worried by comets, while the Americans, (though heaven forbid you ever attempt to attack America, where you risk being foiled by such creatures as Bat Man and the Powerpuff Girls,) are almost phobiatic about shadows and soft trickles of blood, dripping from the air vents, seeping in from under the doors, etc. Youma should be menacing, but do not let looks get in the way of practicality. Sometimes the most fearful monsters look sweet and innocent in the beginning, and then turn into a human's worst nightmare.   
  
There are several symbols of human fear, shadows and blood being some of them. Those that can be present in creatures such as youma are fangs, claws, tentacles, glowing eyes, (it's amazing the fear and trepidation inspired by the mere scarlet flash of an eye!), and anything which is offensive to any of their five senses. (For those not familiar with human anatomy, I refer to sight, smell, touch, and hearing. Unless you are aiming for disgust rather than horror, taste should not be taken into consideration.)   
  
The next most important thing a youma can do is gather power for your plan. Whether that power is human energy, mystical objects, blood, water, helium, sugar, magical talismans, or death, a youma can be designed to retrieve it for you. If you have trouble designing or creating your own youma for these purposes, please send check or money order for 50000 units of currency to:  
  
I Want My Youma!   
Nintendo "Special Request Offices"  
3734 Koshinaga Rd.  
Tokyo, Japan 55555  
  
Youma also can play a part in defeating your enemy, although usually they are the defeated and not the defeater. If you are creating a youma solely for the purpose of destroying your enemy, then you must make sure to give it a lot of intelligence. However, you must in all things balance; make it smart enough not to get killed, but stupid enough to do whatever you ask it to, even going into battle with undefeated champions of justice.   
  
If you cannot come up with a plan, perhaps you need to reevaluate why you want to take over the world. Perhaps you would get that same thrill from designing an ultimate weapon, or curing cancer, or creating a flying pig. Perhaps even squashing an ant farm would give you that same feeling of power. While your ultimate goal should always be sky-high, perhaps you can practice your plans on easier to reach targets.   
  
Remember, caution and balance in all things. But don't be afraid to aim high. Confidence should be listed on your strength list.  
  
May eternal shadows darken your path. Goodnight.   



End file.
